Is There a Cure for Test Anxiety?

I should be asleep right now.  The house is quiet and dark.  The computer tells me it's 1:11 a.m.  The monitor is shedding a soft glow onto my face and arms.  I spent the last two hours trying to coerce my mind to calm down.  It told me to cram it and continued blaring away and worrying.  So, I starred at the ceiling, then the walls, then a book.  And here I am writing.  This happens to me every year around the time my proficiency check approaches.

Every 12 months, airline pilots endure an exam whereby our knowledge and skills are tested in a simulator to ensure our proficiency.  Non-pilots who fly as passengers on airliners almost always say the same thing.  "Well, I'm glad they do that," They comment.  And I can certainly understand why they feel that way.  But for the pilots, it can be quite a nerve-wracking event.  Our career paths hang in the balance.

I begin studying for these things two months out.  Many of my days off are largely spent pacing the room as I review and re-memorize data about the SAAB 340 and our company's operating rules.  Then I sit in a chair, staring at the wall and pretending to fly the maneuvers in an imaginary flight deck.  Pilots call that "chair flying", by the way.  And although this method of preparation has always proven to yield successful results, I cannot shake the thought of how easy it is to make one small mistake that could ding my training record.  This would only intensify the difficulty of securing a job with a major airline.

Because I hold the title of check airman, I am subject to even tighter standards by the simulator instructor.  Wonderful.  And this is what churns my worry.  What if he is in a bad mood that day?  What if he, for any reason, just doesn't like me?  Or what if I have a tough time on a certain maneuver?  What if...?

Ugh.  I can feel my jitters getting worse.  Oh, enough.  No more.  That sort of talk only escalates my anxiety and makes me want to run away to an island.

Here's what I'm going to do.  I will continue to study.  I will continue to prepare.  And I will walk into the exam as sharp as I can make myself.  After all, I was sharp enough to become a captain.  And I was sharp enough to pass proficiency checks in the past.  And afterwards, when I pass the exam, I will get in my car and go have a great meal.  Or go buy something nice.  And that's my plan.

Now, if I could just get some sleep...